Starting Afresh

It feels really weird, you know, this writing a fresh post after such a long time. But don't worry; I'm not going to go on a full-on recap mode or something along those lines. In fact, you'd be quite glad to know that I acknowledge the fact, without even the slightest trace of acrimony, that you people wouldn't really be super anxious to know about the absolutely regular and sort-of-everyday affairs of my not-too-exciting life while I was Missing-in-Action. Nevertheless, it IS a different kind of feeling.

It is so very different from the excitement which I had felt coursing through me when I had first attempted a shot at blogging sometime during July 2010; or when I had posted a piece after a long gap of some 4 months, when it was merely about having to choose from such a long list of things to talk about, for the talkative bird in me was fighting against her prime instinct to talk about everything on her mind right there in a single post (now THAT would have, like, made it in the record books as one of the longest posts ever!).

But this time it's like meeting some very old and dear friend after a very long time, when you want to talk about so many things, but you don't know whether you should be saying it all out because the other person may not be able to keep up with you; it's like wanting to bare your soul in front of her but not being able to do that because you think that it may shatter some notions (good ones, of course) about you which she might be carrying around in her head; it's like not being able to look her in her eyes while admitting to something really cheesy which you did, and then being relieved and smiling broadly when you finally look up and don't catch even the slightest hints of disapproval.

Hell, it's like looking at your own reflection in some clear pool with no shadows, after a long time...

And so, here was me, starting afresh and trying to reconnect with you guys after a long hiatus. I'll be back with my regular chatter, really soon this time! Cheerio!

I'm a Lazy Girl...

I'm feeling extremely sleepy right now (I can actually feel the effort which I'm putting in so that my eyelids wouldn't shut down all of a sudden), but for some inexplicable reason, I feel like writing something for all of you to read, as well. So kindly take some extra pains to read through this piece, however hard it may seem, for I'm using all my literary capabilities in making this sound as coherent and sensible as I possibly can; and I'm sure this would come as a big surprise to all the regular visitors on this blog, because I'm generally much more sanguine about my writings turning out suitable enough for human consumption.

My thoughts are all muddled-up at this very moment and I'm just not able to think clearly; so much so that I'm quite sure that I wouldn't be able to tell apart a physics theory from a chemical reaction! And so, the question may arise that why, for the love of all things that are holy, am I still sitting in front of my laptop's screen in place of drifting away peacefully to sleep. The answer lies in a very well known saying which goes like "As You Sow, So You Reap". This is, sort of, a confession to an outrageous crime which I've been committing pretty frequently for quite some time now, by not paying much attention to my final-year dissertation. And now, the mid-semester evaluation is due in a few days. So, because of my lackadaisical attitude, I'm a dead duck.

Right now, as I type these words very, very, very slowly (for I have little energy left in me, and also because if I don't do anything to keep myself busy, I'll drop off right here in front of the screen), the financial database Prowess is working at snail's speed in order to retrieve some data which I desperately need for the above mentioned dissertation.

I wish there was some way to avoid the academic fiasco which stares me in the face at the moment. Sigh.

By the way, the database just displayed the required data. So I'm off to sleep. I'll write in again soon if I survive next week's evaluation!!

Shopping And All

It actually feels very nice to get up fresh in the morning, having cleared the emotional clutter of last week, and to write about something which is so very close to my heart, or, no, something that has now become an inseparable part of my whole existence upon this planet - Shopping!! I'm sure that all the ladies who happen to have come across this piece, would now not be willing to give up on reading the rest of it; and as far as the men are concerned, even they can feel free to read on...

So, I'd told you that I was pretty darned upset last week - for the uninitiated, I'd been a victim of one highly dangerous sadist - and so I'd spent quite a lot of my time simply moping away, you know, staring blankly out of the window, not talking or smiling much, and all that. It was in those moments of self-doubt and emotional outbursts, when Shopping came to my rescue like some old and trusted friend.

It took me even less than a second to decide that all I needed to do was to hold the hands of my Guardian Angel (Her Excellency, Shopping), and let her guide my way out of that feeling of despair which hung in the air all around me. So, I simply followed the cue and found my way to the only shopping mall in the city - not that it is much of a mall, by the by - and let myself loose upon most of the too-willing saleswomen who welcomed me into their showrooms with bright smiles and hellos.

I felt that air of gloom lifting up and being replaced by the very-familiar breeze of cheerfulness as I tried piece after piece of clothing, and examined one accessory after another. I could feel life returning to my body. I could feel the sparkle returning to my eyes. I could smile without having to fake any emotions.

I returned with just a single piece of clothing and matching earrings after nearly 2 hours of effort. But most importantly, I returned with myself! So, all in all, it's not really a bad exercise, this shopping. I hope all you men out there are listening!!

Post-Twilight Syndrome

Now, isn't this one a self-explanatory title as well? And so, without taking up much time and writing space in telling all and sundry about my now-famous quality of giving apt titles to my posts, I would immediately get down to today's business.

As a prelude to whatever is going to follow, I want to tell all you people that I read all the four books in the Twilight Series within a span of THREE days! While I read through this charming series, I skipped meals without realizing that I was hungry, I missed my lectures without any regard for the then-upcoming Minors, I stepped out of my room only when it was ABSOLUTELY essential, I talked only if there was no other option available, I logged-in to my Facebook account only to post status updates about the reading experiences of this very series; in short, I behaved like someone possessed, or better still, like some young-woman-on-a-mission!!

And then, before I'd even had enough of this saga, it was all over. I'd fallen hopelessly in love with Edward Cullen, his mystique, and the entire magic that he had woven so effortlessly all around me and my whole world; and then, suddenly, it was all over. It was as if I had been cruelly pulled-out of some beautiful enigmatic world; as if he was reality and for some odd reason I was being made to live a long nightmare. I would dream of him while I slept, and my waking hours were more-or-less devoted to thinking about him, and him alone. 

Twilight had become my world, and Edward Cullen had become my God; and I don't care if it's a blasphemy because for me, this was the truth.

Things got a tad bit better after a few days, but that feeling of awe has still not subsided. 

But it's amazing, you know, this feeling of loosing control...

Belated Wishes and All

For all those who think that this post is going to be some kind of an open apology letter to somebody whom I forgot to wish on their birthday or anniversary, it's definitely not so. But yes, it does concern two people, who were very close to me till a few years ago and who's birthdays fell on the same day, the 27th January, i.e., yesterday.

We don't talk anymore. We don't know what the other one is doing these days. We don't even talk about each other with our common friends. We're not interested in each other's lives, anymore. We're not even Facebook friends (imagine that!).

There was a time when we were very close friends; the inseparable sorts, if you know what I mean. There was a time when we hadn't even imagined that we would get to be at such a stage in our shared lives when we wouldn't even care to know what is happening to the other ones.

And when I say all this, it doesn't imply that I'm blaming them for not keeping in touch, and for just going "poof" from my life all of a sudden. Even I had ceased to make efforts after a certain point of time. I don't know if I could have done better than what I did. And, I don't know what may happen if, at some point of time in our lives, we were to stumble upon each others' existence once again. Would we even acknowledge the other one's presence? I don't know.

It was their birthday yesterday. And I was reminded of the time when I used to try and be the first one to wish them. Then, I just stopped caring, for some odd reason.

Happy Belated Birthday, you two girls! I wish with all my heart that you would get to read this. I didn't want to write this last sentence, but I still did, again, for some odd, unknown reason.

I'm not sad. But I just wonder what this life would have been like WITH them. I guess I would never know how we came to this point where we'd outgrown that beautiful friendship.

Nothingness..

This time around, I'd get down to explaining the title of this post right at the beginning, without much ado. I'm sure I can hear some loud cheers already from all those who are tired of lengthy, often bordering-on-the-boring and nearly-satirical passages which seem to precede any relevant and meaningful stuff that is even remotely related to the topic of the post. And, in case you've failed to notice, even this little piece of self-admonition was just that - lengthy and irrelevant. But then, old habits die hard, you know.

Well, coming back to the afore-mentioned explanation, I decided to do this particular post because it was grand plan of mine to announce to the whole world, or at least to those inhabitants of this planet who happen to come across this particular blog (the rest will never know, poor souls), that I've spent one entire week doing absolutely NOTHING!! That's right, I did absolutely nothing worthwhile with my life for an entire week. And it was an experience which can not be expressed in words.

It was a mix of frustration which arose out of the fact that I was not doing ANYTHING at all - constructive or destructive, and a feeling of supreme relaxation at having resigned myself totally to my fate. For the first time in my life, I spent such a long period without having achieved some milestone in at least one of the several endeavors which I'm used to taking up all at the same time. And the unbelievable part of it is that I don't feel any kind of a regret at having done such a thing.

And to top it all, I don't even know what more to say about it...

So here's a post, from an authoress as illustrious as yours truly, which is going to end abruptly.

Being an Engineer...

I happen to be an engineer, but being an engineer was never one of my several "childhood dreams". As a kid, I was drawn more towards the lesser charted paths.

Just to elaborate a bit further, I can remember pretty distinctly that way back in the nineties, after having read a couple odd Ancient Indian History books, I had wanted to be an archaeologist when I grew up (even though I could not spell the word correctly at that time!), go scouting around the country looking for some lost remnants of the Indus Valley Civilization, and even go on to decipher the Brahmi script! I had even managed to find a confidante in a classmate who had wanted to be an Egyptologist (just imagine!). 

Call it the "Jurassic Park Effect", but alongside this, I  had even wished to become a palaeontologist. And of course, it goes without saying, that the fact that it would have been an impossible plan to carry out, never struck my young and enthusiastic mind at all.

A few years down the line, I was really moved by the plight of our people and decided that it was the need of the hour that I should assume the responsibilities of the office of the Prime Minister of India! I took it as given, that no one else was really fit enough for the job. 

On becoming a bit more mature, I got really inspired by one of teachers, Mrs. Shelly Walia, and wanted to appear for and crack the Civil Services Examination in order to become an IAS officer. God knows that I had, sort of, vowed to rid this society of all its resident evils and eradicate corruption completely (kids ARE like that, you know).

But, then, as it turned out, I studied to become an engineer.

It's not that I don't like being an engineer. No, that's not exactly the point. I took the decision to pursue engineering out of my own volition after some really serious and "rational" thinking, and what's more, I've really loved each and every moment of my days as an Engineering Student. Besides, I do not regret having taken it up as a course in life. And I've not done this half-heartedly. I've put in all my efforts into it.

But even then, sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if I would have taken up one of my "dreams" a bit more seriously. I wonder what life would have been like as an archaeologist, or palaeontologist or how things would have been like as a budding politician!

I guess I would never know. 

But truly speaking, even now it's not all that bad, you know, being an engineer..

The Philosophical Side of Things

If you guys remember the first post of this blog, I'd mentioned about how sometimes some random philosophical thoughts do tend to make their way past several hurdles in order to enter the blessed human mind, and then you might even recall that I had, sort of, assured all of you that such thoughts hardly ever manage to permeate MY thick skull!!

But then, horror of all horrors, that near impossible event is going to take place right here, right now, in front of your very own eyes!!(It's ACTUALLY hard to be serious guys!! Just try doing it if you don't believe me.)

Believe it or not, even I do sometimes just sit down near the window of my room during the quiet mornings(and that is when I do manage to get up at such an early hour) and look outside at the still-serene surroundings, the trees, the chirpy birds the sometimes-cloudy blue sky, the pretty colourful flowers, the green grass, the red rising sun, the picturesque hills; in short, nature in its full glory. These are some of those rare moments when even my mind, which is pretty much always engrossed in thinking about material stuff and is pretty much immune to this thinker-type thinking(hey, now that's some alliteration, no?), tends to shift focus towards the "philosophical side of things".

During such moments I tend to wonder as to who I actually am; for what particular purpose was I born; what is my destiny; what part am I expected to play in the universal scheme of things; why can I not have everything that I desire; why is it that I HAVE to stick to the rules and regulations as imposed upon me by this society of ours; why can I not just live my life peacefully and not be bothered by Toms who would just not stop Peeping into my life; why is it always me who's expected to learn to make sacrifices for a "better marital life"; and lastly, why can't i just dash it all and go off and live my own life??

Darned difficult questions, what?? Even I think so.

And then, finally, comes the moment when I come out of this reverie and curse myself for having let such thoughts come into my mind!! Then, I thank the Lord Almighty for having bestowed me with enough good sense which does not let me allow such thoughts to go circling around in my mind for a very long time!!(After reading the above paragraph, I'm sure you'd agree with me)

In fact, I feel quite sure that such ideas are just not meant for a mind like mine which revels in thinking about the more worldly, materialistic, tangible and glamorous side of life!!

Wouldn't you join in the chorus and say "yessssssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

No end in sight for these circles